Sell Cell

(Originally dispersed once a day as SMS Messages)

I
When I was a little kid, I went to this play, which was put on by the community college where I lived. The play centered around a large dinner party, which these old university classmates were going to reunite after sometime apart doing their own thing. I remember one of the main characters, a woman in her late thirties or early forties, trying to open a wine bottle or something with her teeth. She broke her tooth, popping it out, and decided to blacken another, in an attempt to confuse or distract people from the fact that she lost a tooth.

II
The only other thing I remember is the ending of the play. The aforementioned woman, and a man from the party, (the woman's love interest, who stuck around afterward to talk with her) were lying in bed, watching t.v. with the sound off, discussing what it's like, and guessing what the characters are talking about. The woman turned to the man and began to describe an experience she had. She was pregnant some years ago, in a wonderful relationship, and just bought a nice house. As she walked through her new home, she stopped at a patio on the second story. She leaned on the railing, thinking about how beautiful the clouds are and how wonderful life is, when the rail broke. She described falling through the air and hitting the ground. When she came to, she learned that her face had to be completely reconstructed, she lost her child, and the man she was with.

III
After seeing this around age eight or nine, I could vividly imagine what it's like to fall from heights, and would fantasize about coming to my end in such a way.

IV
I ride the city bus down Blackstone, kind of the main street in Fresno. The sky is incredibly grey and overcast, although it's pretty warm outside, making everything feel out of place and uncomfortable. The massive duffel bag I have with me almost looks as tall as I am, as it sits in the seat beside me. The objects it contains force it to be rigid and uncompromising in form. A real pain to drag around, especially on the public transit.

V
The ride feels incredibly long, especially without an mp3 player, book, or something to pass the time. The public transit is pretty awkward in Fresno, compared to so may other places. Some consider it only fit for the poor, mentally ill, and the worthless. As much as I ride it, I wonder where I stand in society. Gazing outside doesn't provide much relief, and I'm filled with dread knowing I still have an hour more to go.

VI
I step off of the bus, lugging the duffel bag with me. I slowly walk from the stop towards a motel complex. Behind it lies a tiny strip mall of four or so stores, including a small Korean market, which is where I'm supposed to meet the client. I manage my way and stand in front of the place for a moment. Looking at my cellphone lets me know that I'm twenty minutes early. I start shuffling across a backstreet, to another small, somewhat hidden shopping center, next to the motel, and decide that I'll have a drink at a small Italian place there. Being drunk for this will be much better.

VII
Walking just at the right speed to be there at just the right time (something I'm a bit obsessed with, but I have some pride in my extreme punctuality), I lug myself and my bag back to the Korean market, feeling the load of alcohol I dumped into myself set in. In front of the place stands two younger men. Well, one of them can't be more than seventeen, while the other looks to be in his very late twenties. The boyish one clad in a black leather jacket, ripped drain-pipe trousers, torn up high-tops, and short, messy hair. The other, a t-shirt, an Italian-cut blazer and slacks, grey converse oxfords, and well-kept hair. The younger one is against a wall holding a bottle of what looks to be booze, the other standing arms crossed, both watching me closely.

VIII
Divorces can be sick ordeals. Often, bewildered children are volleyed back and forth between two damaged, mixed up, often selfish people. Passed back and forth like an unwanted object or a crippled dog, arriving at one side, knowing they're not wanted, but having someone lie and act as if they are wanted. Constantly, I'd thought about how much easier if I had no father, or, if he had been struck down and killed. I also would wish I didn't have so much empathy. As much as I hate my father, I would imagine how he would feel knowing he lost me forever, and feel bad for him. He would say he loved me, and maybe believe it himself, but actions tell the truth.

IX
"So, to clarify, you want to borrow some of my equipment, and keep me on stand-by, in case you need me?" For the last six or seven years, I've been working as an unlicensed surgeon and doctor. After leaving med school, I spent most of my time in the L.A. area. I've traveled a bit, got called to some weird places, and came to Fresno around two years ago. I suppose I've built up a bit of a reputation. Most of my patients have been illegal immigrants. Next would probably be gangs and mafia members, followed by regular folks without health-care, and then the occasional crazy fuck who wants me to do something extreme, or at the least, tell them how to.

X
"You've got it".
"Hmmm..." I mull it over a bit more. This seems totally fishy. I'm not even sure what their plans are, and already I'm thinking about if there's any way whatever can be linked back to me. My heart is pumping a bit, I can feel adrenaline start to work it's way into my blood. It seems exciting, and I've been bored for a while now. I glance over to the younger one. He hasn't said a word. Since they brought me up to their motel room, he has been sitting in a backward-turned chair, still drinking. The room smells of Jaegermeister and come. I start to wonder about what these two have planned. "I'll have to think about it more, and I'm going to need some details. How about we start with names?"

XI
"My name is Dmitri" he responded. "Mine is Cain", the younger one said. He arose from his chair, woozily walked over, and shook my hand, before sitting down next to Dmitri on one of the beds. "The work you will be doing will really be for me" There was a pause for a second, and he continued, "I hope for everything to go smoothly, and you'll be paid nicely, but I want us to keep in mind that we know what you do as far as 'business' (Cain actually doing air-quotes with his fingers), so how about neither of us end up as tattle-tails and wind up in some sort of trouble, yeah?" Cain's expression changed as he said this. From a sort of blankness, to sincerity or kindness, to a sort of glare and this complete seriousness I never would have expected, despite not knowing him past first impressions. How exciting.

XII
I love those music videos that show a band just playing around and having a good time. I've always wanted be part of a group. A group that did something big. I've also always felt that I need to make some sort of mark in the world. I don't think I can be okay with dying in total obscurity. But, since I'm no musician or anything, it will just have to be some other way.

XIII
Sometime in the very early morning (two, maybe three A.M.?), I walk from the motel room with a whole new sense of self. I feel invigorated and have a new mission ahead. After talking and drinking with them awhile, listening to their stories, about their journey, about their plan, I decided to take a more active role, and help them directly. I left my bag of equipment with them, since it'd be a real bitch to walk with it, and having faith in getting it back. After hours of walking home, since the buses stop ridiculously early in Fresno, I get back home. I have a pretty cushy place, and live comfortably. I have a cover job at a Kinko's, but I don't actually work there. My income is pretty good, and since it's "under the table", taxes are no issue. I quickly pass out in bed.

XIV
Bleeding. A lot of bleeding. I dreamt that some of my teeth, and sections of my jaw, were breaking and falling out. I tried to piece my face back together, as I rushed to figure out what I should do, how I should get medical attention. More and more blood poured out, and I felt woozy and lightheaded, as I panicked.